I was being preoccupied for a matter of months of doing a project that I
tried to finish several times. This project was enhancing the designs of our personally manage websites to make it more professional and to achieve what it needs to serve with a mission of serving and witness for Christ through our writings and sharing the gifts that we have to bring glory to His name.
My husband and I are wired daily to updates our blogs, mostly Joshua since he needs to comply strictly on his online schooling at Ashford University. The articles he researched and wrote on his papers were being uploaded to If You Want My Input, his self-maintained blog.
While me, updating our Whats HOT website that talks about Relationship & Marriage, Counseling & Discipleship, Growth & Education, Beauty in Fashion, and Herblend and Healthcare not to mention the other sites like Herblend, that talks about Herbal tea and its health benefits; Blogger eHOW, a blog Marketing; BizHUB e-Ads, a website that promotes businesses online for free.
I almost lost my cool and being bothered one time I can’t figure out what banner designs are appropriate for each sites, including its design and layout even the text-font-style and color.
The other instances happened when I was designing the banner for Herblend site. In my mind I already planned and visualized the output but when I was doing it, I struggled on resizing it because the dimension didn’t fit to the point that I stopped. I even uttered, “Oh Lord, why I can’t do this?”
I even changed the template several times using the ready available and downloadable HTML (Hypertext Markup Language) at the web just to achieve the looks I think it must have. But when it was uploaded and already there, a part of HTML command needs to be edited and when I figured out how to change it another ideas pop-out in my mind and looking for something to enhance it. As a result it doesn’t satisfy what I plan in the beginning.
Joshua is confident that I can do it, and he knows how serious I am in doing it. Whenever I felt bad, he is always ready to cheer me up and encourage me. He always told me, “you are doing good”, but for my own eyes good was not enough, the results I wanted were not being achieved.
There were several times that I stayed late at night just to finished what I started to do but never come to an end. One time, when I was being short of having patience to myself, I looked at Joshua, I saw him relaxing and reading fb news and said to him, “you are not supporting me with this task.” But obviously he does, he always helped me in editing, gave me a shoulder massage and sweetly made us tea.
I became frustrated to finish this project to the point that it always occupied my mind. I became ill tempered. A not healthy night routine was developing in me. Almost every night, after Joshua and I prayed before I retired to bed instead of having my quiet time and meditate on God’s words in the Bible I found myself tapping the screen of our Android phone, browsing the web and looking for possible and simplest solutions to adapt and apply into the websites. There were some moments that I woke up my husband just to asked him that I need to open my laptop again.
The frustration I felt made me more hooked into it. It became my nature by constantly doing it nightly then an obsession and an idol.
I gave much effort to do the
“work” and not to Christ. To the point that it already became an idol that took my focus from my fellowship with Christ and His leading to me. At first, my intention was pure until it leads in me being dissatisfied. My husband reminded me about being discontent is sowing to the flesh. I pressured my self much that I almost forgot
the real work that I need to do is to put Christ first in everything.
Though it is established in my heart that I love to put Him first, but unconsciously I allowed this idol to replaced Christ and dethroned Him out from my heart. This work that became my idol captivated me from from my close fellowship with my maker. Being separated from the vine who brought life in me, made me unfruitful.
Recognizing the loopholes I created in my spiritual walk made me learned three things: First, losing my self-sufficient attitude. Sharing the plan and consult my husband, seat, and talk about it first and set a goal and options. Second, never neglect a mentor’s advise who has a specialization. Third and the most important thing, pray and do it for the glory of God. “As plants draw nourishment from the soil through their roots, so our life from Christ.”
A friend and a mentor of mine in the Philippines, tagged me a picture on facebook with an exact message at a different time.
|Credits goes to The Grain of Mustard Seed|